Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
