I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
