You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
