my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
