I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
