I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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