This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
