When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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