I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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