my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
