Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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