So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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