You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
