His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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