Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
