I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My balls are so social today.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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