i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
