well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
