All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
