Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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