Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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