Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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