Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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