i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
