My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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