I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
