Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I smell stomach acid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
