I'm really into asian looking animals
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
