I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
