Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
