you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
