It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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