when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
