she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
