I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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