So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
