Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
