i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
