Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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