Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
should my penis look like a turkey
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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