You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
