i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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