anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
