You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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