where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
