I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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