Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
