shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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