did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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