I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
