omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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