Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
