you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
